A wintry open letter to … the vanity plate drivers of Chicagoland

Dear My ROSE 1,
Is your first name Derrick? It should be.

Dear FLAGS 99,
Sheldon, the guy from “The Big Bang Theory,” would have a field day with you. And your 99 flags.

Dear BID OFFR,
Is a big bid offer what allowed you to buy this car?

Dear SLO RUN,
I’m a little surprised I’m behind you … But any run is a good run!

Dear MKY ERS 8,
You, and the eight members of your Mickey Mouse-loving family, belong in Florida, not Illinois.

Dear SNEEZY D,
For some reason, your license plate made me think of Snooki, not of Snow White’s dwarfs. Take some Allegra already.

Dear FUZZIE 1,
There are conventions for people like you. And they always manage to make strange news.

Dear BAGELS,
I WANT TO EAT YOU.

Dear HVN BND 3,
I wrote down your license plate and can’t remember why. Oh, wait! You think you’re “heaven bound,” that must be it! I’m glad to be following you, even if only for one traffic light!

Dear RDN SOLO,
Sounds like you’re single and proud of it – more power to ya!

Dear FML BUG 4,
Today, I saw a gray Volkswagon bug convertible long after my friend, who slug-bugged me when I was least expecting it. FML.

Dear SEEYA35,
Wouldn’t wanna be ya … Sorry, couldn’t resist.

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