Another open letter to … the vanity plate drivers of Chicagoland

Dear WHY DO 55,

Cops, speeding tickets, safety, gas mileage, inspiring road rage in anyone who wants to go faster – you know, there’s plenty of reasons!

Dear CA DRMER,

What, you got some Beach Boys blasting in there? This is Chicago. Keep dreaming.

Dear NOT HIPP,

But how couldn’t you be “HIPP”? You drive a mustard-yellow Volkswagon bus. That’s totally hip. And hippie.

Dear IM PAT 1,

Do you really need to remind yourself of that every time you get in the car? Now everyone else knows, too.

Dear XL DOGS 2,

Please, please, please don’t let them jump on me. Or on IM PAT 1.

Dear WZNT ME 8,

It wasn’t Shaggy, either. It was nobody.

Dear NO SCAMS,

Somehow, the overtness of your license plate makes me think you might be a scammer.

HVNG FUN,

Well I’m living the dream! So top that.

Dear FT FETSH,

Open car door, insert foot. Also, TMI.

Dear KULAID 2,

Cool. Just don’t drink it and drive.

Dear FIRST D8,

Aww, did you make out in your car at the end? How adorably high school!

Dear LIFES AN,

Ooh, a fill-in-the-blank license plate! But only words starting with vowels can fit. Life’s an … adventure, live it up! Life’s an … opportunity, not an obligation (got that one from a book of motivational quotes from my high school basketball coach.) Life’s an … amazing journey. Enough said.

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